Ginormous Whiiiiiiiineeee

I just need to whine about a couple things for a minute here.

As my surgery draws closer I am getting more and more anxious, instead of excited like I originally was. I come from a very large family, as does my husband, yet here we are with less than two weeks until my surgery and I still have no one who will come and take care of my kids for one week until my mother in law, who is always here when we need her, is able to come.

I am so hurt and frustrated by this and as the days go by I am getting more angry about it rather then sad. My husband works a pretty demanding job and cannot get out of work the days of Oct 11-14th. I will not be able (technically "ALLOWED") to lift anything. My Dr keeps saying to keep it that way for four weeks, but being honest with myself I know for a fact that will not happen.

It wouldn't be such a big deal if it wasn't for my 8 month old. I have done this whole surgery thing before, I know some tricks. I will put the kids juice in a pitcher with a spout so I can fill up their cups without lifting the huge bottle out of the fridge, they all can get out of their beds unassisted, and I will put heavier things like peanut butter, olive oil, and milk into smaller containers. I do not need someone to take care of me. I just need someone to hold my poor little last baby, and possibly drive me to the store in emergency's. I hate that we even have to ASK our family to help! I am going to be so upset if I have to cancel and reschedule for a later date. Not only have I waited long enough, but any later and my healing process will conflict with the holidays and I will once again have to sit on the sidelines and watch like last year.

I really feel like our church is more our family than our own relatives, as they have already contacted me letting me know they will be here to help in any way they can. Not asking if they can, but telling me they will! So, there's that.

The other thing is a super whine so brace yourself. Shortly after I was diagnosed I noticed I had no pictures of me with my kids, and besides a scant few wedding pictures, I had almost none with my husband either. I hated that and promised to change it so that if things did take a turn for the worse they would have some precious pictures of all of us together. I figured now was a good time to start so after a crazy week of pulling things together we went and got our family pictures taken yesterday. The guy is so awesome and does a fantastic job. We went to an amazing park with a pond and ducks and some beautiful trees and I believe we got some great pictures. My whine? I look terrible. He posted this picture online of my family and all four of the kids are not only looking at the camera but they're smiling! My husband looks great, as is the norm, and I look like I'm trying to make a horrible face to purposely to ruin a cute picture.

Seriously, it's this bad.

(not my kids, or dog)

I'm not just being vain either, I really look horrible. I almost cried simply out of embarrassment. This picture is to perfect of everyone to not hang somewhere for all who come to our home to see. I'm just hoping there is one or two in the bunch where I look somewhat normal. Always hoping!