Tuesday, October 4, 2011

"Feel your boobs" month.

I can't wait until I can feel some boobs. I am having a hard time thinking of these new boobs I am going to be getting as "mine"
I really feel like mine are gone forever, and Dr H. is making me a really amazing prostetic or something. I still do self exams in the area where my boobs should be, and every little bump and lump sends me into a panic, until I figure out it's just a rib, or scar tissue. The thought of recurrence absolutely terrifies me. That has to be the most devistating thing ever.

So just to update from my last post, I think I have things taken care of as far as having help with the kids. It's going to be rough, but they will be taken care of. Women from church are going to arrive at 7:00am and stay until about 9:00am, and then be replaced by another set of women who will stay until 5pm when the hubs gets home from work. It'll only be for four days but It's going to feel like longer I'm sure. I feel so awful just sitting around while other people take over my duties of caring for my children and cleaning my home. I do feel happy that I have meals prepared and frozen though. Doesn't make me appear quite so helpless :) I have a few more I want to get done just to be ahead of the game. I'm hoping to make a miraculously quick recovery and be able to do things semi normally after just a couple weeks, but I'm not holding my breath. First of all I have never been very good at holding my breath, and secondly because I'm having those awful drainage tubes again I'm pretty sure I'll be too terrified of moving or lifting anything even if they told me to.

I have a lot of anxiety, not so much fear as my last surgery, but I still feel super horrible about leaving the kids for a two whole days and a night. They're just so little :( I just keep thinking of how many steps I have taken, and that soon this will all just be a trail of footprints behind me. So again, don't forget to feel your boobs, even if your a guy. It happens to the best of us, and the worst of us, and all those in between aren't safe either.

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